This funny poem is about someone gaining weight by overeating during Christmas and their plans to lose it by dieting in the New Year! The style of this poem is based on that of the 19th-century poem “‘Twas the Night before Christmas” (also known as “A Visit from St. Nicholas” and “The Night Before Christmas”).
Anyone feeling the need to diet and “detox” after Christmas may find this poem inspiring!
‘Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste.
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”So, away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip,
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
– Author unknown
